Thursday, April 26, 2012

Three month anniversary...

Well, it has been three months, since Daddy passed. Scott and I were talking, and it seems like forever, and like hardly any time has passed, all at the same time.

I have been crazy busy these last couple of months. We are redoing most of our house ourselves, (crazy? Probably!) and that has involved tons of work. But, WOW the changes are looking awesome. There is nothing like that feeling of satisfaction of actually doing it yourself.

I have been doing pretty good, on most days. The ups and downs, must take their own course. I can't make them go away and I finally told my family, that I have to be down on some days. They can't stand it if I am not smiling and happy. Who is happy all of the time anyway?? I usually am, granted, but these days, I can't force the happiness. They don't like it, but they are going to have to deal with it. I need those down days. They seem to be helping, when I actually embrace the depression for a day or two.

I have had family come to South Carolina, and get some of the family treasures. That was hard. It was weird seeing things that have been around my parents home for years, go to a new home. That also, made it much more real, to me. But, it was also good. Those things, are just things. They mean a lot, but they are material things. The memories that are attached, are what is important. There are a lot of memories that will now continue on, which makes me very happy.

The best part of all of them coming, has been the reminiscing about both of my parents. How wonderful, that has been. How healing it has been. Three years ago, when my Momma passed, my uncle and cousin took a bunch of reel-to-reel film, that my Daddy had made of us when I was little, and had it transferred to a DVD. My uncle has been after me to watch that for awhile. He said, I needed to. I just couldn't do it. When my other cousin was visiting this past week, we sat down and watched it. I cried and cried, which is great for me, since I am not a crier! It was so cleansing, and healing. I got to see my Daddy playing with me, my Momma pregnant with me, and lots of family members all enjoying themselves. It was an eye opener to see how much footage my Daddy had taken of me. It was also an eye opener to see how much he seemed to enjoy me, when I was a baby. It was worth every single tear, and every second spent watching that DVD. I plan on watching it again, after the initial shock of it, wears off.

There is nothing like family. Granted, friends are priceless, but the family has been with you from start to finish, during all of these dark times. They have seen the good, the bad, and the ugly. They understand perhaps, just a little bit more of the feelings that happen when your parents pass away.

I can NOT express the appreciation for the love and kindness that I have experienced from so many people, during these last three months. Overwhelming comes to mind, but that doesn't quite describe it.  I hope that when some of you, that have bent over backwards for me, need me, I can be there for you, like you have been there for me. So, the journey continues.... One day at a time.