Almost 4 months.
What is with the "anniversary" of somebody dying? Seriously?? Yep, seriously. I don't understand it, but that doesn't matter. For whatever reason, as soon as it gets close to the 21st of any month, I start thinking about it.
I talked to the grief counselor on the phone last week. According to her, everything should be considered "normal", about how you feel, for at least a year after somebody passes away. Well, I only have 8 months to go...
The depression is still hovering just over my shoulder. I am one of those people who doesn't acknowledge things very well. Instead of saying, "damn, I think I could be depressed", I work. I have painted 3 rooms, from ceiling to trim. I have rearranged every room in my house. I have used the physical work, to be exhausted enough to try to sleep, without my brain working overtime, making me actually think about it. I have given myself one more week. If I am not better in one week, then off to the doctor I go.
Part of my issue, is that everything that can go wrong with Daddy's estate, has gone wrong. There was the burial of the cremains, which was a nightmare because I had no place to put Daddy or Momma. Thank God, for great friends, who happened to have 5 plots that they graciously let me purchase from them. There was the property taxes on the Ram, which after 5 trips to the DMV and Treasurer's office seems to be fixed. I had Daddy's taxes done by H&R Block. I got a notice from the IRS, that they didn't list Daddy as deceased. So, I called the office to make an appointment to get that fixed, and that office is closed for the summer. I have to go 45 minutes to the nearest office that is open, to try to get that fixed on Wed. I received a notice from the Probate court, that I was delinquent in filing the proper paperwork on assets and the property value of the house. I called today, and they graciously gave me a 30 day extension. He had Humana as his secondary insurance company. I have received 3 refund checks and 3 bills from them on claims they have either overpaid or underpaid. Sadly, the refund checks do not come close to equaling the 3 bills that I have to pay this week. And, that is just the big screw-ups. So many little ones, I can't even begin to list them.
The nightmare of somebody dying, seems to be exacerbated by the paperwork involved with the estate. It should not be this way. But, I can't change any of this. All I can do is try very hard to not get frustrated and aggravated at these bumps in the road. However, they do add to the depression issue I seem to be having. It makes you wonder, when is this ever going to end? Or, what next?
Am I whining? You betcha!! I am whining. So many things have changed over the past almost 4 months, I feel like I am allowed to whine a little bit. I totally understand that there are people out there who are worse off than I am, no question about it. However, with all of this looming over me, I still feel overwhelmed and at a loss as to what to do next. I talked to a friend about this, and she had a brilliant suggestion. One step at a time.
Damn.. why didn't I think of that? ;-)