Who are you, and what do you want to do for you?
This is a question that my friend Lisa asked me last weekend. I had no clue as to how to answer her. I have been Mr. Bob's daughter, who has taken care of him for three years. That has been my identity for so long, I have no idea who I am, other than that.
So, today I woke up and said I am Julie Boland, wife and mother, and I am going to start this new phase of my life by being the best wife and mother, that I can be. I am going to get back to making my jewelry, because I have missed that creative outlet very badly. I am going to finish painting the whole house, because I have been in the process of that for the last three years, and haven't been able to finish. I am going to take some time, every single day, and do something for me - what that may be, I have no idea yet, but there will be something. I am going to start reading again. I haven't had the time to just sit and read a book, at my leisure for a long time. I have had to speed read, and that is not the way to read a good book. I am going to take time and visit my friends, who I haven't seen in ages. I am going to actually be able to plan ahead, and make plans for whatever I want to do, without worrying about whether Daddy will need me or not.
I still have to clean out Daddy's house, shop, attic, and all the rest of the stuff down at his property - and believe me, there is a LOT of it. But, I am going to look at it in a different manner, than I have been looking at it. I am going to find things that bring back wonderful memories of Momma and Daddy, instead of Oh God, all this stuff. I am going to cuss both of them for keeping some of the things they kept for so many years! :0)
I am going into this new phase of my life, every day, with a smile on my face. That smile may not last all day during this time of healing and reflection, but I will start out that way. I know I did the best I could for Daddy, and busted my ass to make sure his last wishes were honored. I can sleep at night, knowing I did the right thing, in the right way, for me.
So the question again.. Who am I and what do I want to do for me? I am in the process of finding that out, and I am determined to enjoy it, every single step of the way.. falls and all!