Monday, January 30, 2012


Depression. It is a funny business. I have fought depression over other things, my whole life. Being sick for so many years, not being able to run around and play like I wanted to, with my son. Not being able to do much of anything for so many years, except watch everybody else do the things I wanted to do. I thought that was the worst of my personal depression.

How wrong I was. This is depression. I am completely lost. I feel like I have to be busy all the time. I am so used to being on a dead run, that even the running around getting all the legal things and final arrangements for the burial, is nothing. I have too much time. I am exhausted, losing weight at a rapid pace, and just completely lost. I honestly don't know what to do with myself.

I have spent three years, taking care of somebody who is no longer here to take care of. What do I do? I still have the house to clean out, the shop, the attic, and all the rest of the things, that go along with the death of a loved one. But, I have time now. I have time to clean my own house, time to do the repairs and home improvements I have been wanting to do, and need to finish, time to work again, time to spend with my family.

So, why do I feel so lost? I have been needing this time, and wanting this time. I have it now, and I have no idea what to do with it. I suppose it will take an adjustment period to sort all this out. I hope this is a quick adjustment period. I do not like feeling this way. I am so tired, but can't really sleep. Hopefully with a little rest, my mood with sort itself out.


  1. Sweetie - this is your opportunity to take care of Julie <3 Find a good therapist/counselor and spill your heart out.
    Do NOT ignore this. Depression is sneaky and you must stay on top of it!
    The alternative is me pulling the car over! And you definitely don't want me to do that!
    Love you & please remember you ARE worthy! <3 xoxo <3 mb

  2. My wife lost her mother about 8 years ago. She quit her job to take care of her and after she passed, she decided to take some time for herself and take classes. Now that you have the time, take the time to treat yourself.