A new blog!

I decided to start a new blog. My life is in such chaos, that maybe if I put some of these things down on paper (virtual paper) it will make sense to me, and possibly help others that may end up in my position.

My Daddy is dying. Plain and simple. He has COPD and a mass in his left lung. We couldn't get a "cancer" diagnosis because his lung collapsed during the biopsy, but the docs have assured me, that is what it is.

We have had him on hospice now for 4 months. Four very LONG months. We changed hospices after the first three months, because they were not holding up their end of the deal, and we now have a fabulous hospice, that I would not trade for the world.

Let me explain what our hospice does. The nurses come in 2 times per week, for about an hour at a time. They take his vitals, check his lungs, do whatever health-wise he needs done. Which because my Daddy is my Daddy, they never know what they will find that he has done to himself. They coordinate his care with his personal doctor and their own doctors that are involved with that hospice.

The Aide, comes in every weekday for about an hour as well. She will change the bed, or make the bed, throw the laundry in the washer for me, fold any clothes that are in the dryer from the previous day, that I have washed, and do other things that he needs done for his personal care. She helps him take a shower - when he lets her, which is almost never, and is another pair of eyes for the nurses and doctors.

They also have a wonderful volunteer who comes when she can to visit him. She will do most anything he needs her to do, such as light cleaning, talking with him, even bringing him takeout if that is what he wants.

They have a social worker who comes by once a week, and she helps with any issues, such as discussions of money, denial about death, helping the caregiver, whatever we need.

Every single one of these people is a HUGE help to me. I am in this by myself, as I am an only child. My Daddy is what they would call "High Maintenance".

Hospice is designed to keep the patient in the home, so they can pass comfortably and not in the hospital or in a nursing home. That is their goal. As his primary caregiver, my responsibility, is to do everything in my power to make this happen for him. Frustrating, aggravating, horrifying to watch... yes, to all of this. However, this is what he wants to do, so this is what I do for him.

It won't always be this way, but during this time, it is a constant state of turmoil, stress, worry and wondering what the next day is going to bring.

The support of my family and friends is what is getting me through this.. and I love each and every one of you!