Feeling a little sick...

So in going through the legal maze I have to go through during this time, I went to the bank to sign some papers and change the address on his accounts, so the statements come to my house versus his house.

Well, I went back and got the statements for his money market account for the last two years. I wish to God, I had not done that. I mean... I really wish to God, I had not done that.

I love my Daddy. Do not get me wrong. I realize he was sick with the COPD for the last 5 years or so. I am coming to realize that the man was much sicker than anybody realized. That has to be the answer for what I have discovered. At least, that is what I am going with right now.

I am thinking the cancer was already metastasizing in his brain long before the original diagnosis of the lung mass.One year and four months ago, is when I started seeing the pattern begin, as I start looking through the bank statements. I am sitting there at my desk, with tears just running down my cheeks, not believing what I am seeing.

My Daddy spent over $20,000.00 in one year and 4 months. Not on medical care. Not on any sort of redoing his house. Not on anything that was worth that amount of money in that short of a period of time. He bought guns, ammunition, knives, clothes, and God only knows what else. I haven't gone to see exactly what he spent it all on. I am sick to my stomach. I should have known something was wrong. I should have seen signs of something. I should have done something to reign him in.

But, I had no idea. No idea whatsoever. None. I just assumed that he was spending a little here and there on what he wanted, and that was his money to do with as he pleased. It was not my business. Well, I should have made it my business. I should have forced the issue and said Daddy.. let me see your bank statements. But, I never questioned Daddy on his spending habits, like I said, that was his business.

Now, in looking over these statements, and looking back on how he was, how he was acting, and the new things that showed up (and the neighbors account of how UPS came all the time), I just am sick.

I have never cared about money. We live very frugally, and not beyond our means. My medical bills over the years, have taught us that. I would rather have him here than have any money that he has left me. But,  looking at this I just am at a total loss to understand. Only thing I can come up with is he was sick. He was sick.