Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Disappointment has a name

There are times, when life and people can be so disappointing. Today was one of those days.

I disappointed myself, by letting Daddy fall while I was here. Not my fault, I understand that. Doesn't matter. He fell while I was supposed to be watching him. Granted, he was bending over trying to pick up something imaginary, and I wasn't even in the room... still, disappointing.

I am seeing the decline become so damn rapid, that it is honestly scaring the hell out me. He was not coherent hardly at all today. The breathing sounded like a marching band was playing in his lungs. He has slept quite a bit today.

I am seeing that he is starting to have pain. That is horrendous to watch. They are giving him pain meds, but as of yet, they don't seem to be helping. Hopefully soon!

I had quite a few disappointments today. You know, sometimes there is that one person that you need talk to. They can always put things in perspective for you, in ways other people can't.  So far, that person, has not been there for me. I suppose I should not be surprised. People have other things going on in their lives, besides me and my problems. But, when they say they are always there for you, and then they disappear when you really need them... well, maybe time to reevaluate the friendship.  My husband, son, and friends are standing right beside me, holding me up. Giving me the encouragement, support, love, and listening when I need them too. I am thanking God every day, I have each and every single one of them.

It could be, that I am just feeling sorry for myself today again. It has been a day of nothing but problems, tears, pain, and disappointments.

Maybe it is time I put on my bullet proof, big girl panties, and buck up! Hmm.. possibly after a night curled up in a ball crying myself to sleep.


  1. Julie I really feel for you and what your going thru. I am so sorry for your frustration,pain and discouragement. Watching my daddy pass away was the hardest thing for me and a very hopeless feeling because we really know there is nothing we can do but just watch it happen.
    Big Hugs to you Julie and know your in my thoughts and prayers

  2. I know that you will get through this. I just don't want you to hurt so much sweetie! Please remember how loved you are. By people other than your daddy. We are here & will be here when you are done with this "mission". Be good to YOU <3